Mosquitoes, hives and tight leather pants

My first night at camp, a mosquito happened to bite my left eye. When I woke up the following morning, it was swollen. There wasn't a mirror in my tent so I took a bunch of pictures of myself to see how bad it was. It was pretty bad! Later I found out from my crewmates, who were trying to be polite, that they thought I had a lazy left eye...Jeez people! A lazy eye? No way -- How embarrassing!

Well, it got better. My second or third day there, we started putting in the weir, which was a full day process that required a lot of muscle. The guys did most of the intense stuff in the water like laying down fencing and pounding in metal stakes -- I filled and delivered sandbags and floating panels to where they were needed. By the end of the day, I was covered in bug bites and my face was burning. I dunked my head in the river -- SO REFRESHING -- and then kept on working. I didn't want stupid bugs to get in my way. Apparently my face was swollen and red...god, that must have been attractive. Eventually, my boss had to order me to go up to camp to get out of the bugs. Needless to say, I was slightly frustrated and upset. I was trying to make a good impression and just wanted to work. Leaving the job was the last thing I wanted to hear...In the long run, it was good that I left because while I was changing in my tent I discovered hives down my torso and my arms felt like they were wearing tight leather pants from being swollen.  Later Theresa had me call a doctor for a consultation, who said I needed to get to the village clinic as soon as possible for further examination. The next day Chris and I headed to town. The ladies at the clinic were so nice and helpful. The nurse I met with gave me antihistimine blockers, which I had to take twice a day for the rest of the summer. Whew -- a quick fix.

Jeremy's mullet

Not long after Laura and I arrived did Jeremy announce he wanted to grow a mullet while in Togiak, but he needed a haircut. Who was cut out to do the job? Well, someone likely more skilled than I, but I stepped up to the challenge and boy was it challenging. Dan brought out some haircutting shears and I used a comb Laura kept in her pocket. Snip here, snip there, take out a patch above Jeremy's right ear...No big deal, right? He wanted a mullet -- I'm just shaping the sides a bit. Well, with Greg hovering over my shoulder....Actually everyone was hovering over my shoulder. Comments were made and made loudly.

"Oh my god Syd! What did you do? I told you not to cut off that much?" 
"Oh! It's just hair -- it will grow back and you wanted a mullet after all."


I felt bad and Jeremy decided to have Greg finish my mess. Greg is quite skilled as a barber actually. I was impressed. It turned out well and Jeremy had a good lead on his mullet look.



Bolts and washers -- learning how to cast/fish

I'm a fisheries major at the University of Washington, but I had no idea how to fish before coming to Alaska. When I arrived I asked if someone would teach me how to fish -- I brought a cheap pole I had picked up in Dillingham and just needed some guidance. Jeremy volunteered his services -- in his normal Wisconsin life he's a substitute teacher and enjoys teaching others, so I was grateful for his willingness to help. One day while we were the only two at camp. Everyone else was out fishing and tagging, I had the day off and Jeremy was on weir duty, so I asked....


"Hey Jeremy -- will you teach me how to fish today?"
"Sure, first you need to get the hang of casting." 


I didn't have any lures ... silly me, I bought a pole, but no lures. The problem was I didn't know what to get...there are so many options.


Fishing in a dress

When you think of fishermen, you probably don't picture dresses and you definitely probably don't think of fishermen wearing dresses while they fish. Well, I brought a dress with me out to field camp primarily for a presentation I had to give in Anchorage, but then decided it would be great to wear while fishing weather and mosquitoes permitting. The day had to be perfect -- unfortunately, the perfect day for such an event happened to be the same day Dan and Steph left Togiak.

The sun was warm, the bugs were mild and I was determined. So, I put on my boots, grabbed my pole, shimmied into my dress and headed for my fishing hole. Now, I didn't catch anything that time, but I had a hell of a time doing it, which is all that really matters.

Packages from Vickie and tons of mail

Everyone always gave me a hard time because whenever anyone went to town they returned with mail for me. My Aunt Vickie sent me so much mail! It was wonderful -- she sent me some cool packages and great letters. I loved getting her mail and having a pen pal. One time she sent me all of the ingredients to make a casserole dish, which was delicious. Another time she sent me mandalas, which I colored and then hung in my tent. I made one for Dan too....well, actually he took one I was coloring for myself, but made up for it by coloring one for me.

We are Camp Happy Beaver

The next few days were spent getting a feel for camp life and getting comfortable with everyone I would be working with the next few months.  The crew did a great job of making me feel welcome and showing me the ropes....I was in heaven.  In spite of all of my uncertainties, I loved what I had thrown myself into. It was so exciting.

Alright, so the crew was a lively bunch and included a host of unique characters:

Steph, our crew leader, is passionate and hard-working, doesn't put up with anyone's bullshit and loves talking about her puppy dog, Cleo.

Jeremy, second in command, is a Wisconsin boy who loves Miller Light, hunting, teaching and teasing. He sure enjoyed teasing me and taught me many things including how to fish and play uker (which I am terrible at, but he was patient).

Dan's goofy sense of humor, charming laughter, great smile and overall positive attitude make this "marshmallow on toothpicks" a fabulous coworker. If he's not playing his guitar or catching 34 inch rainbow trout or attempting to beat Steph at cribbage, then he's making you smile while cooking bacon and eating avocado.

Laura  is hilarious and doesn't know it half the time -- she's very stubborn and tends to do everyone else' chores for them. We got really close.

Greg was the engineer for many of our camp gadgets and enjoyed working with his hands. He loved taking naps -- lots of naps and said "eh!?" several times a day. When he wasn't working, he had his fly rod in-hand.

Chris has a background in guiding. He spent 3 years guiding on the Togiak for various lodges in Alaska and knows the system thoroughly.  That man LOVES to fly fish! I don't think that statement effectively describes his obsession -- I mean he REALLY LOVES TO FISH and spent all of his free time hunting for Hog Johnson (a camp legend and 34 inch Rainbow Trout that Dan caught off the dock by camp) and painting beads.

Theresa, the project biologist and our boss, came out a couple times during the summer and always brought the sun with her and fresh produce. She was spunky, red-haired and freckled. Theresa is AWESOME -- enough said.

Throughout the summer, we had volunteers come out to work with us in Togiak, but the seven of us were the core members of the Togiak crew.

We are Camp Happy Beaver...

Hello Togiak -- I'm Sydney

Leaving for Alaska was one of the most exciting things I've ever done -- I really had no idea what to expect in the north country, but I knew I was ready to handle any situation I encountered.

 At the SeaTac airport, I awaited patiently to meet, Laura, another BBNA intern I'd be working with ... I sat at the gate searching for her, but I had no idea what she looked like. No one seemed to fit the bill when I first sat down. Then a young woman with blonde hair and rectangular glasses approached me with a friendly smile and started talking to me about camp life. She wanted to be sure I had packed plenty of non-cotton socks...The previous summer she only brought cotton clothing and had to borrow warm clothes from many of the guys out at camp...I remember thinking: this girl is very nice and so funny.  She'll be great to work with and I was right.

We arrived in Anchorage and had a 5 hour layover.  Our original plan was to rent bikes and go see  Anchorage on one of the scenic trails, but we ended up staying at the airport and eating lunch. Soon after calling our loved ones, our flight to Dillingham was set to take off.  An hour later, we were in Laura's hometown of Dillingham, which is quite small and has a large population of fisherman. We caught a ride from the airport to her mom's bed and breakfast, which was just 2 doors down from the USFWS bunkhouse where I would be staying during our week of training.  I met Stacey who lives at the bunkhouse and works for the USFWS Togiak Wildlife Refuge. She was a great bunkmate -- we made spicy bbq chicken and blue cheese pizza. It was fabulous! We bonded and quickly became friends.

Once we were settled, Laura took me to meet our boss, Courtenay who supplied us with our gear and gave me a money for food.  I remember being stunned by how much they gave me for the week. Could food really be that expensive? No! Laura drove me to the grocery store that night and I was taken aback by the $10 gallons of milk. I'm used to expensive groceries -- Seattle is not a cheap city, but this was ridiculous! The next week was spent training with Allen Miller and Dugan Nielson. We covered the ARPA Act, gun training (I have a picture with my moving bear target), MOCC boat training, which included boat safety, operation and maintenance, trailering and knot tying (I'm pretty good at making a bowline). It was a busy, but fun week. Laura showed me around Dillingham -- we got coffee at Bristol Express often where she once was a barista, talked to most of the residents in town (Laura knew everyone we ran into -- something I'm not used to coming from the city. It was neat).


The week concluded with final examinations and then we flew to Togiak on Saturday....This was it! We hauled all of our gear to Alaska Island Air and waited patiently for our trip. We rode in a tiny bush plane -- It was incredible. We saw moose and SO MANY LAKES! I was drooling. About 45 minutes later we arrived in the village of Togiak.

Oh goodness! I was so glad to be going with Laura. We hopped off the plane and my eyes started wandering. Hmm, people are driving ATVs, there are unpaved roads everywhere, there's a cute cabin ... hmm, there are two men driving toward us with a trailer. Could that be who is picking us up?

"Laura! Give me a hug."
"JEREMY! How ya' doin' homeslice?" -- or something to that effect.

We were greeted by Chris and Jeremy -- I thought both seemed nice and looked forward to getting to know them better over the summer. After unloading our gear, we ate some lunch, I had to jump into my waders and then we loaded up the jet boats. Oh jeez! We were headed up river -- oh man! Was this really happening? How did I get here? Unreal -- shit! (the good kind) Let's hit the water!

We had so much gear, we each had our own boat and driver. Laura rode with Jeremy and I rode with Chris. Enamored by the scenery, I ignored how cold and wet it was.

My tummy was in tangles -- I didn't know how long of a boat ride it would be before we arrived at camp. What would camp be like? I hope everyone likes me...I was nervous.

 After about 40 minutes on the mainstem, we veered up a tributary called Gechiak Creek, where our camp is located. The channel was a skinny and shallow obstacle course -- one that constantly changed with rising and falling water levels. As we came around  the final bend, we came up to a tall bluff where our camp sat. This was it! We were here! I made it -- Now it's time to meet everybody.

Deep breath -- we slowly ferried toward the post to tie up our boat. People came down the stairs to meet,  greet and help unload.

The first person I saw was a tall, bearded, mountain-looking man. He was the first to say hello and I remember being surprised that he already knew my name. I hadn't introduced myself yet.

"Hello Sydney -- I'm Dan."
"Hi Dan -- It's nice to meet you."

whew -- that wasn't so bad. 

Soon after, I met the rest of the crew and couldn't wait to learn all about them ... I could tell I was in for a great summer.

Hello Togiak -- I'm Sydney!

 

Laura and me

 Camp from Gechiak Hill

What happens now?

November slowly faded. Mom's memorial was nice and simple. We had sunflowers out -- more people came than anticipated and said lovely things. It was reassuring to know that people she was surrounded by thought so highly of her.

I returned to school in late November, a little more than halfway through the quarter. It was so difficult to return. I couldn't catch up, so I dropped everything except one class and one professor and continued working at Foster Business Library on campus. I was enrolled in a limnology course with Daniel Schindler and couldn't make myself give it up. It was enough work for me to focus on something other than what had happened, but not so much that I was overwhelmed. My head wasn't clear and it was difficult to pick up the same caliber of work I had been doing before.

Thankfully my family and friends were very supportive and encouraging.

After the quarter ended, the holidays came and went.  It wasn't the same without mom, but my whole family traveled to southwest Washington to celebrate with us, which made it bearable. At the end of my break, I decided I wanted to apply as a research technician with the Alaska Salmon Program, which is run by the University of Washington. I learned about it while taking limnology and decided to talk to my T.A., who was involved in the program, about it. He helped me with my resume, cover letter and introduced me to the man who made a huge impact on the following months.

With a new quarter starting, I decided to quit my job at the library, so I could just focus on school and applied to ASP in the first few weeks of January. Not only was I taking a tough course load, but I was also jumping back into school full time, which was challenging because I was still trying to figure out how to deal with the emotions cluttering head.  Looking for summer research opportunities was an escape -- I decided I wanted to major in aquatic and fishery sciences during winter quarter. Fish Biology confirmed my decision. I met Chris Boatright in late January and received a lot of encouragement about working in Alaska that coming summer.  After weeks of persistently emailing back and forth, Chris finally told me that some of ASP's graduate students had received a bunch of funding from NSF (National Science Foundation) and was not in need of extra technicians, BUT he did mention another opportunity. Bristol Bay Native Association was hiring interns for various projects stationed throughout Alaska and that they did not have many applicants. He highly encouraged me to apply and said that my eagerness to get hands-on field experience in fisheries science might persuade them to hire an out-of-state hire (they tend to only hire local residents).

I applied, was interviewed and hired in April 2010. I've never been so ecstatic! I was hired to work as an intern with the US Fish and Wildlife Service in Togiak, Alaska. I would be working with Chinook salmon on a radio telemetry mark and recapture project. I really had no idea what to expect, but knew I'd be exposed to a ton of new experiences. Chris did his best to prepare me. We met several times to talk about various topics including: camping out on the tundra, dealing with bears, appropriate clothing, etc. He was very adamant that I purchase the "Alaskan tennis shoe" -- Xtratuff boots.

As I prepared for my trip, I thought of mom daily. I had to sell her house. We had an estate sale. I busied myself with school. Winter quarter was terrible -- felt crazy some days. Spring quarter was fabulous because I was weeks from going to Alaska and taking all fish courses. I made the dean's list. My roommates and I were able to rent out the upstairs part of our house for the following year -- so exciting. We moved from a cave to cloud city!

Everything seemed to be fitting into place. 

My mom and I talked daily, if not every other day -- sometimes just to say a quick hi, so not being able to share my excitement with her was tough.  Luckily I have my aunt Coco. She helped raise me and is my mom's big sister. We are as close as my mom and I were.  This last year would have been impossible without her love and support. The same goes for the rest of my family and friends. My roommates, Liz and Amanda, made the transition back to school breezy. Liz listened to me when I had to vent or cry -- she was always there.

As June arrived, I grew nervous.  Unknowns were bounding toward me at a fast pace ... All I could think about was I hope mom would be proud.

June 12th I left Seattle ... What happens now? 

It travels ...

The other day my roommate and friend, Anthony, used the phrase "it travels" to describe the flavor of ice cream he had churned. It's silly, but those two words are a simple way of describing how this year has gone.  I cannot describe or define how people deal with grief because everyone is different, but it is something that never goes away -- a lead weight pressed into your chest. Some days it presses so hard that it's tough to breathe.

I've been really fortunate this year -- I've learned so much about who I am, what I want out of life, where I intend to go with it and how to enjoy it.  Considering I felt like I was floundering this time last year, these findings are quite an accomplishment. However, I stumbled across them in an unexpected way. Last October I was spending Halloween with one of closest childhood friends. We were making breakfast and planning to study at one of our favorite coffee shops dressed as a ghost and a pumpkin (a recreation of former childhood costumes). As we were getting ready to head out on our bikes, I received a phone call from my aunt. She said my mom had been hospitalized and diagnosed with cancer.  I was shocked and stunned.  My mom had been sick earlier that week with what we thought was the flu. She missed work and whenever I called to check on her she wasn't her normal cheery mama self. Without a car, I had to wait for my aunts to come and get me in Seattle, so we could drive to OHSU in Portland. When we finally got there, it was around 5 pm. We entered the hospital with as much courage as we could muster...

My mom was strong, independent, smart, funny, a no-shit-from-anyone-kind-of-lady ... She managed one of the largest US Postal Service offices in the greater southwest Washington area and worked her ass off. When I was a kid, my mom worked a lot and took a great deal of pride in her job, but always made sure to make time for me. I never resented her sometimes obsessive work ethic, but admired it. She gave off a tough persona at work, but was goofy, funny and so youthful.  I  think having to manage over a hundred postal employees encouraged her dislike of people... She would always say she hated people, but nothing gave my mom more pleasure than talking to strangers and asking them questions whenever we were at events. She loved learning -- whether she was leading a conversation with a stranger to find out about how they live their lives or delving into the heart of every newspaper she could get her hands on... She always had her nose buried in some kind of reading material -- usually newspapers. My mom had an appreciation for the smell of old books, the texture of fabrics and pages, the quality of how things used to be made -- she had an eye for decorating and recycling old pieces of furniture.  She was adventurous, rode a Harley Davison, had tattoos and had big plans for her life after retirement. She was supposed to retire on January 1st, 2011. It would have been a little over 30 years. She was in the process of remodeling our old house and had plans to buy a brand new car (we only ever bought used vehicles). She had adopted two senior beagles, Beagle and Opie, who had become valuable members of the family. She was going to travel and loose weight.... My mom was so excited to finally start her new life. I loved talking to her about all of her plans. We were very close.

....Taken aback by seeing my mom in her hospital bed, I tried to hold back tears. Hoping to reassure me, my mom asked everyone to leave so she could explain what was going on. The doctors had diagnosed her with Acute Miel Leukemia. With a bone marrow biopsy, the doctors could determine the best treatment for chemotherapy. The biopsy was scheduled for the following day. Relieved by my mom's confidence and bravery (she was always calm during serious situations), I was able to enjoy the rest of the afternoon in her company. We laughed and joked -- she sang me the lullaby I listened to as a kid (and my mom wasn't much of a singer).

Oooga boooga boooga 
boooga boooga boo
I love you so much 
do do do do do
you are my angel baby
yes you are
oooga boooga boooga
boooga boooga boo


Before my aunts and I left the hospital that night, I gave my mom a huge hug and a kiss and said we'd be back early in the morning. After a good night's rest, we returned to the hospital, but my mom was in critical condition. She was having problems with her blood pressure and breathing and the doctors couldn't stabilize her enough to conduct the biopsy. Why hadn't anyone called us to say she was having problems? This prevented them from doing leukoferysis, which is a process that is supposed to clean out the blast cancer cells. They were able to perform it once earlier that morning, but the replication rate of the cancer cells was very high. Her body was losing control.

The hardest part was seeing my mama unable to control her body. She couldn't breathe and she was in pain. The doctors told us they would continue trying to stabilize both problems and that there was a 50/50 chance she would make it-- they continued to do so for the next several hours. Then at 7:32 pm on November 1st, 2010 they told us it was time to let her go. Unable to control my emotions, I clutched my aunt's shoulder and wailed into her chest.

Even though my mom was unconscious, I tried to remain calm as we said our goodbyes. I sang to her and stumbled over my words...Then I clung to her chest and laid beside her after they took away her life support. I stroked her hair and tried to imagine her cheeks were rosy and full of life.

I was 20 when she passed away and technically an adult, but that day I really had to grow up.

It has almost been a year and so much has happened -- so many good things. How is it my life started to blossom after hers wilted? I still wake up daily and wonder if I'm delusional. I mean it happened over the course of 5 days -- explain how that happens to me! She had so much life left -- and was quite spunky for being 61.

This year my life has traveled a lot and she travels with me -- I've tried to live my life the way she always wanted me to -- not in the sense, that I live it for her, but she always encouraged me to explore every opportunity and be adventurous and open to new ideas and to not be afraid of taking chances.

Well mama, I'm doing just that!

Grief -- it travels, but it doesn't weigh me down.